Christmas Again? How Did That Happen?
Crap. It’s Almost December
By Deb Williams
Ah crap. Crappety crap.
It's Christmas again. How’d that happen? I feel like
Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day.
As we drive through Little Mountain subdivision they whine, “ It’s November. When are we gonna get the Christmas tree?”
I respond in a montone voice, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator “You are correct. It is November. Christmas occurs in December.”
“But look, Sally’s house is already decorated with Christmas lights!”
I laugh and snort at the same time. “Well Sally’s family is just weird.”
The children are not amused.
“No, Mom. You’re just evil. “
“Wha??? Whoa.. We just got over Halloween and Thanksgiving guys. Give me a break. I still haven’t cleaned the oven from the last turkey splatter. The goblins are still on the front deck. “
“You need to get organized,” says the five year old.
I drive on, gripping the steering wheel.
No one told me that as you get older you start to ‘stack up’ events in your life. Not only do they stack up, but they seem to come faster, with more pressure. You look back and you realize you’ve piled up 42 Christmases, 168 birthday parties….weddings, funerals. I must say, I look forward to death.
Lying there in the hospital surrounded by loved ones, I’ll be able to say things like “Happy Birthday everyone, Merry Christmas for the rest of your lives. Happy Graduation. Hope you find a dress you like (…man, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that!) Christmas Craft Fairs at school, Christmas Concerts, PAC meetings, X-walk duty School supplies in September, informations sessions,…. wish I could have been there (yeah right, har har)”
Okay, lots of people have two kids. I have twice that many. I was stupid. I know that now. Ah Christmas. Another year, another opportunity to go out and buy more crap that eventually ends up in your basement because the kids can’t bring themsleves to recycle it to the thrift shop because they’re developing their father’s neurosis about throwing anything out, so you have to do it for them while they're at school so they’re not scarred for life. Yeah, it all makes sense to me. We work to create more work –shopping, consuming ,sorting, cleaning, transporting back to another shop again.
My favourite Christmas program? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Maybe one day we’ll evolve to the stage where we’ll all join hands and sing, despite the fact there are no presents under the tree.
As we drive through Little Mountain subdivision they whine, “ It’s November. When are we gonna get the Christmas tree?”
I respond in a montone voice, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator “You are correct. It is November. Christmas occurs in December.”
“But look, Sally’s house is already decorated with Christmas lights!”
I laugh and snort at the same time. “Well Sally’s family is just weird.”
The children are not amused.
“No, Mom. You’re just evil. “
“Wha??? Whoa.. We just got over Halloween and Thanksgiving guys. Give me a break. I still haven’t cleaned the oven from the last turkey splatter. The goblins are still on the front deck. “
“You need to get organized,” says the five year old.
I drive on, gripping the steering wheel.
No one told me that as you get older you start to ‘stack up’ events in your life. Not only do they stack up, but they seem to come faster, with more pressure. You look back and you realize you’ve piled up 42 Christmases, 168 birthday parties….weddings, funerals. I must say, I look forward to death.
Lying there in the hospital surrounded by loved ones, I’ll be able to say things like “Happy Birthday everyone, Merry Christmas for the rest of your lives. Happy Graduation. Hope you find a dress you like (…man, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that!) Christmas Craft Fairs at school, Christmas Concerts, PAC meetings, X-walk duty School supplies in September, informations sessions,…. wish I could have been there (yeah right, har har)”
Okay, lots of people have two kids. I have twice that many. I was stupid. I know that now. Ah Christmas. Another year, another opportunity to go out and buy more crap that eventually ends up in your basement because the kids can’t bring themsleves to recycle it to the thrift shop because they’re developing their father’s neurosis about throwing anything out, so you have to do it for them while they're at school so they’re not scarred for life. Yeah, it all makes sense to me. We work to create more work –shopping, consuming ,sorting, cleaning, transporting back to another shop again.
My favourite Christmas program? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Maybe one day we’ll evolve to the stage where we’ll all join hands and sing, despite the fact there are no presents under the tree.