Withholding Sex
Trade Sex For Renos? Would You?
By Deborah Peraya
A
couple of weeks
ago I was chatting with a friend about wanting to
reno my kitchen. It had been in desperate need of a
new coat of paint, and now that the walls were all
spiffed up, the cupboards looked like crap.
I thought, reasonably, that it was time to replace those 80's eyesores in favour of something manufactured in this century. Surprisingly, my husband couldn't see the fun of spending several weekends installing an IKEA kitchen.
So I'd told my friend that it appeared new cabinets were out. She looked at me in all seriousness and replied, "Well, you know what you need to do." After a meaningful pause in which I gathered we were talking about sex I asked "you do that?" She nodded emphatically. "If he pisses me off, I've got to have something to hold back."
Here was this whole new world of marital consequences that I had no idea existed outside of television. Now, I still was unsure whether we were talking about sex in general or merely certain acts but hey, six of one.
Mostly I was reeling from this information because it had shaken my identity to the core. I had never ever considered using sex as a weapon.
Was I a really good wife and modern woman (as I thought) or was I missing the beauty of the marital barter system? I probed a little deeper. "Yeah," I stuttered, "but then I'm denying myself." (Said as a half question.)
She shrugged. As if it was the price to pay. I thought about it further. "I'm fairly certain he'd leave me." Again, the shrug. "It's not as easy as they think. Especially when there are kids."
Wow. An entire thought process had gone into this. I began to wonder. I mean, it wasn't just cupboards. There were a lot of things that needed upgrading and. no I ruthlessly pushed the thought away. I was just not that kind of person and those weren't my games.
I did however mention it to my husband. After he stopped laughing, he said, "I'd leave you." But he did put the subject of the cabinets back on the table.
So I will never withhold sex to get kitchen cabinets. A second story? Well. I'm not making any promises. Because like all modern women, I also know what a vibrator is for.
I thought, reasonably, that it was time to replace those 80's eyesores in favour of something manufactured in this century. Surprisingly, my husband couldn't see the fun of spending several weekends installing an IKEA kitchen.
So I'd told my friend that it appeared new cabinets were out. She looked at me in all seriousness and replied, "Well, you know what you need to do." After a meaningful pause in which I gathered we were talking about sex I asked "you do that?" She nodded emphatically. "If he pisses me off, I've got to have something to hold back."
Here was this whole new world of marital consequences that I had no idea existed outside of television. Now, I still was unsure whether we were talking about sex in general or merely certain acts but hey, six of one.
Mostly I was reeling from this information because it had shaken my identity to the core. I had never ever considered using sex as a weapon.
Was I a really good wife and modern woman (as I thought) or was I missing the beauty of the marital barter system? I probed a little deeper. "Yeah," I stuttered, "but then I'm denying myself." (Said as a half question.)
She shrugged. As if it was the price to pay. I thought about it further. "I'm fairly certain he'd leave me." Again, the shrug. "It's not as easy as they think. Especially when there are kids."
Wow. An entire thought process had gone into this. I began to wonder. I mean, it wasn't just cupboards. There were a lot of things that needed upgrading and. no I ruthlessly pushed the thought away. I was just not that kind of person and those weren't my games.
I did however mention it to my husband. After he stopped laughing, he said, "I'd leave you." But he did put the subject of the cabinets back on the table.
So I will never withhold sex to get kitchen cabinets. A second story? Well. I'm not making any promises. Because like all modern women, I also know what a vibrator is for.